Oh God. This is awful. I can’t. I just can’t. And then I did.
It took me 4 attempts and 9 months. All that bloody hype – I was expecting a sexual revolution but all I got was a playroom, a bit of BDSM in a teenage novel with no plot. Oh my.
I have so many issues:
* Why did she dress the characters so badly – flannel trousers, linen shirts, pinafore dresses and tankini’s … really?
* Saying medulla oblongata repeatedly does not make you an intelligent writer ELJ.
* The repetition. Ugh the repetition. The lip biting, the pigtails, the annoying phrases, Ana rolling her eyes or blushing on every facking page grrrrrrrrrrr. Oh my.
* Did she really just orgasm after getting her nipples tweaked?
* ELJ’s use of adjectives. She manages to spoil the sex scenes. Geeze. I laughed out loud when Christian “clutched” Ana’s face. In fact I’m going to clutch someone’s face right now for a good laugh.
* Inner goddess also made me laugh, she’s so dumb but very funny. But THIS ISN’T A COMEDY.
* Stalking is not sexy ELJ what’s wrong with you?
* 21 year old virgin that has never masturbated but can orgasm on demand, again with a NIPPLE TWEAK, and goes all out deep throating, scoring an A. No woman can like this character ELJ.
* Poor Ana doesn’t have to go through the average experience of her first sexual conquest being a crappy, painful fumble. Her partner knows what he wants, knows what she needs, is good looking, wealthy, gives her multiple orgasms that put her to sleep better than a dose of night nurse. Oh woe her. Hey we love vanilla.
* As for the BDSM – it’s not that bad – from all the ‘debasing her’ talk I was expecting the play room antics to be degrading, like a particular story from John Yau’s Fetish, but spanking and belting aside I didn’t think it was as bad as some folks had made out. She had her safe words and she had choice, what’s the big deal? I understand from a feminist point of view that this is not very forward thinking, but she was not forced – she bloody enjoyed it until she asked for more than she could handle and ran off crying. Oh maybe it’s just because I dislike Ana’s self loathing, low self esteem, naive, stupid twat character so much.
* I’ve heard so many women say they would like men to read this book and I would like to say to them – you are not going to nipple orgasm, stalking is not cool and contracts are not sexy.
I am pissed off that I have helped to contribute to the success of this shite. I would like my money back please.
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